Please skip if you want to cheer up your Monday…….
Last month we had the bad news about Mom’s cancer…. last week the docs said it didn’t look life-threating for now…. and last night we didn’t leave hospital until 2 am, leaving her behind in bad shape and with the doc asking us to decide whether or not they should re-animate her in case of ‘her systems giving up’.
That, I can tell you, was the toughest question I am ever asked…. and subsequent talking to Dad about it the toughest discussion I’ve ever had.
But we saw this coming, albeit it reluctantly acknowledging it, and she is 88 and has lived a good life… minus the past 5 months or so.
So currently we are really ‘down’ and occupied with all sorts of distractions, like taking care of Dad’s visiting, buying things they need, trying to organize ‘life after’ and what not…. and all the while more worried about our friend Richard than about Mom in a way. Isn’t that ‘bad’ ?
I also can cope with the fact when she won’t be there anymore, I think, but I have real trouble with helping her now. I feel SO sorry for her that I almost wish she’d go asleep and not wake up anymore. It is heart braking to watch her shrink, crumple and lose her spark of life… even though her humor still flared up softly once.
I know many of you have gone through this and we all know the day comes. I don’t think it makes it any easier. Nor does it make life fair.
Sorry folks, just had to jot this down as I can’t really get my mind into work anyway.
Wishing everybody here and their kin well and please, savor the day while you still can !