Laying in bed with a terrible migraine headache this morning, and the news of yet another roadside bombing floating around somehow, I thought it was time for yet another Grumpy Tale. This one is about wasting lives and tax money…. I leave it up to you to decide which is more important.
I am a parent-of-one-daughter. And husband-of-one-wife. TWO women to look after. Or, as THEY would state, to be looked after by. Alright, I’ll go with that, don’t want any arguments inside my own column, now do I.
But I wonder how some other men do it. I mean, there are societies around that have multiple wives!!?? Gosh! Those guys must have more headaches than I have, with my lifelong migraine problem. Or, hang on, maybe not. Maybe they’re a lot smarter than I am and just don’t care. Maybe their only worry is having enough wives to have ALL work done for them, so they can relax at the local café and smoke their waterpipes. Which, I suspect, are fueled by dried camel dung.
And here, you see, is one of the main problems with ‘us’ trying to ‘help’ those people. Take Afghanistan for instance.
We ‘help’ them by fighting THEIR talibans, building schools (that remain empty), ruining their opium crops, helping their war lords and corrupt politicians remain in the saddle and in general being our obnoxious, better-knowing selves. Right?
And are they happy about that? Heck no !
Now what would YOU do if someone would flatten and spread YOUR camel dung all over the place by running over it in Hummers and Strikers? Well?? Exactly.
You’d put up ‘roadside bombs’ yourself to keep those hooligans out. And protect your relaxed way of living.
So the sooner we get this concept into the heads of our policy makers, the sooner we can pull our boys and girls out of there, and have the local women provide the headaches to whoever we think should have them over there.
And look at it this way. It would also be the ecological thing to do. We would save so much gas from NOT having to drive around the deserts in vain, or fly over those mostly empty countries. We’d only need 1 AWACS in the air (and a few odd B-52’s and F-15’saround) to make sure nobody would actually get OUT of there, after we left.
And maybe, just maybe, we could divert some of that wasted tax money and manpower to put the Somali pirates out of business, just to name but one positive goal. And not worry about tourorists in our own cities, trying to spread OUR dung!
This, my friends, would be my solution to much of the Middle East Issue. Yours may vary.